Culture

Well my last blog turned into a description of me cutting my throat, rather than discussing the cultural things I have been getting up to. I work in a wonderful place, with a theatre just down stairs, so have been to the theatre twice now, which has been nice, both times quite comical performances. I went to a poetry reading at the foundry, nice night, caught up with some old lecturers, one whom still has a poem I created out of peoples public hair, so I want to collect that soon, I did like my pube poem! hmm ive been going out for lots of nice meals.. not that cultured but nice food is always good. I have been organizing/helping out at exhibitions, on the work of Desmond Jefferey and Eric Ravillious. So ive been fairly cultured I suppose. I also went out dressed as a boy recently, and did too much fucking with a strap on on pretty ladies and pulled some muscles or something in my back, rather a nasty injury was bed bound for a while but after spending an evening in a bed that vibrates, it seems to be on the mend :-)

a weightloss technique

Well since my last blog I have been more cultured, and I wouldn't say I have detoxed but I have stopped getting quite so wasted. I haven't touched drugs, although the odd toke of a joint here and there I have allowed myself, and the odd night off to get drunk, and I smoked cigars with a nice chap rather recently - which probably isn't particuarly healthy but its much better than before. My eating habbits have not been great, I seem to go out for dinner a lot and eat a lot of chocolate, but last week I managed to cut the inside of my throat rather badly. I was sitting in a restraunt with a friend, having a nice chat when I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe, I ran to the toilet to attempt to remove whatever it was that I had got stuck in my throat, it wouldn't budge, so I put my fingers down my throat and made myself vomit, to my horror my fingers and the toilet bowl were covered in blood, I puked blood for the first time, I felt quite terrified I cleaned the blood from my hands and face and told my friend what happened, I was still having difficulty breathing, we came to the conclusion I must have cut open the inside of my throat, perhaps on a piece of crusty bread.. we were eating tapas, I couldnt think what else it could be. But since then which is 8 days ago, I have not been able to eat properly, I have been eating soup, overcooked pasta, and anything else I have spent so long chewing so that its all mushy and doesn't hurt my throat too much, I havent had time to eat it all. So I have lost weight, I am not certain how much I weighed before but I know I was closer to 10 stone than 9, definatly over 9.7 and now I am 9.4, so if you fancy losing weight thats how to do it! Cut the inside of your throat open, I am still in pain and probably should go to the doctors, but just don't really have the time to go, so hopefully the weight will continue to fall off, although, the amount of champagne and snake bite I consumed last night makes me think that it may all go back on, after all alcohol is most calorific!

Finding Culture

Well, I have decided since I am detoxing, I am going to try and do cultural things, when I first moved to London I was always at different exhibitions, poetry readings and gallerys, however in recent months, I seem to be spending more and more time in bars, clubs and parties rather than learning and seeing new things. So I thought I would make a start today, I got into work early and rather than chatting on msn went and did some research on Eric Gill, not only a man whos art work and type designs are spectacular, but someone who's personality and sexuality I am interested in. He is a man who in many ways I admire. The image he created portraying transexuals is incredible. (If I can figure out how to upload images I will find it and put it on this blog). For his time he certainly was a very controversial man, much to the catholic church's disgust. Anyway I enjoyed my bit of Gill time, and have been able to help a reader out quite a bit this afternoon; who is studying him :-) So thats made me feel happy, its always good when you can gain knowlege then pass it on. I am now browsing the web for exhibitions and things to do in London, I plan on going to the Bridewell theatre, as well as seeing what things are going on along southbank and central London. It feels good to acctually be doing things, its a nice refreshing change.

Vegetating!

Well, I still feel ill - sore throat, didn't go to work today, spent the day lying in bed vegetating and browsing the web for porn. Then started thinking about my next potential fuck... and the fact I don't have one. Since splitting with my ex I haven't really started seeing anyone and have finally decided its time to move on, but it seems to be as soon as I start looking all the potential fucks have dissapeared, either lost interest or run away to the land of monogomy. I am not looking for a relationship just a bit of fun, but finding someone to bone as a singleton is much harder than you think, I started thinking back to been in a relationship, you really do take sex for granted when you've got it on tap. Now the regular good, comfortable sex has gone you have to take chances on new people, its rather scary I mean what if they have a small penis or something? How do you say you don't want to have sex with them once uv'e seen it. Perhaps I am over analyzing fucking, but I am just not used to having sex with new people and been single. Also there are very few people I fancy which creates even more of a problem, you have to fancy someone to have sex, but there really doesn't seem to be too many that do it for me. Hmmm think ill continue browsing porn for now, although theres only so much wanking a girl can do, if I don't start getting some fun soon I think i'm gonna turn into a rapist!

My first ever blog!

I used to keep diarys as a kid, and quite like to write things down to clarify my thoughts, I have a book I write in from time to time but decided why not start a blog? So here is my first blog, I am at the moment ill in bed, this is from taking way too many drugs over the last few months, since splitting with my ex, I have been taking naughty substances most weekends really and quite often during the week too. Theres been the choice of going out and getting wasted? or sitting in on my own. I went for the first option as lonelyness is not something I am too fond off.

So after months of this its finally destroyed my immune system and left me with tonsilits, so today is the day I have decided, enough is enough. I am going to detox ( take no drugs) Until I get back from India, which is in January. I am travelling for a while so need my strength and also really need to sort my head out and stay sober for a while. So not I have written it down, it will hopefully encourage me to stick to it and be a good girl for a while. Focus on work and other aspects of life which I seem to be neglecting. Anyway this is my first blog. I am sure there will be more to come.


xx